Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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