Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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