just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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