Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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