Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
