Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
