i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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