Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
