he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
