Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize