ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
