My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize