So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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