You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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