he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
