i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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