My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
