you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
