genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
two words...techno handjob
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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