I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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