she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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