im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
