so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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