You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Four minutes until I can fart!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
