Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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