just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
