someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
