Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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