From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
