In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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