What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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