hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
