and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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