another moral hangover. fuck.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
