Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
