so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
