I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
