i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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