If i come over, it means nothing
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
