hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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