how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize