Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
