dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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