I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
