There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
