i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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