Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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