He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
