Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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