I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
