For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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