His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
