Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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