I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
