Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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