You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
