We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
