apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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