hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
