why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
