Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
